So, me and my gang were sitting down the other day awesoming it up (well, I was anyway), when one of my bro's stumbled onto the conversation of Christmas gifts. Unsure of what to get his girlfriend for the Nativity (that means Christmas, by the way; who knew?), he turned to me, his faithful wingman to help him out (well, he asked the rest of the group too, but he was pretty much just addressing me).
Well, the women all kept telling him to get all this crap like clothes and face cream and all that gay stuff, where all us bro’s were giving him the real ideas like a pack of condoms and the Die Hard Quadrilogy. After a little arguing and a lot of name calling, I got to thinking and decided that, in the spirit of Christmas, I will give you the ‘Ultimate Christmas Guide’, for both males and females! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
For the Females:
Nothing clothe related – If you get her clothes that are too small, she’ll get insulted and think you’re saying she needs to lose weight; if you get her clothes that are too big, she’ll get insulted and think that YOU think she’s too fat.
No Face Cream – Face cream suggests that she has bad skin… stay away if possible.
No Make Up – Make up is far too difficult to buy. Get the wrong shade of blue and she’ll think you regard her as a wannabe clown hooker.
No Make Up – Make up is far too difficult to buy. Get the wrong shade of blue and she’ll think you regard her as a wannabe clown hooker.
No Gift Cards – Really, dude… are you serious?
No Stuffed Animals – Just… don’t…
No Jewelry – Too many rules and restrictions… it’s better to just keep it simple…
No Stuffed Animals – Just… don’t…
No Jewelry – Too many rules and restrictions… it’s better to just keep it simple…
Porn – Be careful though, it’ll put you on the naughty list.
Homemade Vouchers – As Mr. Tribbiani once said, ‘One Hour of ‘Joey Love’ will get anyone laid’; it’s cheap AND efficient.
No Food Related Prod… look, you know what, just break it off with them until Christmas is over, save yourself the trouble…
For the Males:
Get him anything. We honestly don’t care.
Food, Clothes, Video Games, DVD, Porn; As long as it’s interesting, we’ll be fine with anything.
Actually… when getting a gift for a girl, there is ONE thing you can get her that is sure to be a hit…
Get him anything. We honestly don’t care.
Food, Clothes, Video Games, DVD, Porn; As long as it’s interesting, we’ll be fine with anything.
Actually… when getting a gift for a girl, there is ONE thing you can get her that is sure to be a hit…
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...if you're a little confused about the possible outcome, watch this documentary...
*The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of Brad or Bradley's Blog.
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