Brad's Guide To Identifying Chicks (According to Our Education System)

As you are aware, the education system has many different, sometimes silly, rules such as: No gum in class, wear the correct uniform, I before E except after C; just crap like that which won't have any effect on our education at all. Among these rules is a rule we have at my place of learning; CHIRP. Whilst not exactly a compulsory rule, CHIRP simply means, 'Check It Out, Highlight, Items, Read and Produce'.. I'm not entirely sure what it's there for, but either way, I don't exactly pay much attention to it; What I DO pay attention to, however, is my own personal version... one that helps identify what chick is suitable for hitting on*.

Check Her Out - Before you begin, determine exactly how hot she actually is. Find how hot she is and then rank her out of 10 (I do NOT do this, BTW, ladies... it is a VERY sexist thing to do and I do not condone with such an act) and then determine how she compares to you. I find it's generally safe to shoot for someone with up to a 1.5 difference in hotness. If you are a 7, you can safely shoot for a 8.5 or a 5.5; if you are a 4.5, go for a 6 or 3; if you are a 9.5, like myself (hey, nobody's perfect), it's usually OK to go for someone who is about a solid 10 or an 8.  Also, take into consideration the 'Crazy Hot Scale' and 'The Cheerleader Effect' when choosing your victi- I mean target...
Highlight Her Best Features - Whether it be her Double D boobies or her long, flowing hair (no homo), it is always important to highlight and take note of her best features. It can be a selling point when talking about her to your bros and may come in handy in the future.
Identify Her Insecurities - Come on, you knew this was coming. Sometimes, it's also important to take note of her insecurities. Does she keep covering up a scar on her elbow or does she have a nervous twitch? Either way, you can use this to your advantage, either in a polite way or a douchey way (you can decide which... for my own protection, I won't help you out here)
Read Her Body Language - As you probably already know, body language is essential. It can tell you if she's interested or it can tell you if she has a boyfriend (I hear that is a bit of a deal breaker for some of you...). If she points her straw at you, even if she's talking to somebody else, it probably means she wants you in the bathroom stall... like, now, dude!
Produce a Play - No, don't go writing her some Shakespeare, you fool (See what I did there... no, just me?), produce a PLAAAAY. If you don't know what a play is, go buy The Playbook by Barney Stinson, it'll tell you EVERYTHING you need to know. If you don't have any plays, I will be writing up a few of my personal favorites in the next few weeks, so stay tuned!


Well, that's all for today my prodigy's, I hope to you well and sexed up (sounded less gay in my head, BTW) for the next time we meet, but until then...
*Insert Funny Outro Message*


*This article does not express the views of Brad or The Brads Blog in any shape or form.

Student Dodgem - The New Trend of 2012

Today, me and one of my main bro’s (yes, that’s you, Jeremy) were just standing around, exhuming our awesomeness onto passers-by when we realised something… what’s better than trying to make people more awesome? ANNOYING THEM! But how do we annoy them, we asked ourselves. Do we throw food? No, too adolescent. Do we, threaten them at point-blank range with a firearm? No… that could get us into a tiny bit of trouble. Do we plank on them? No, come on, dude, this isn’t 2011. After a bit of thinking, we decided… we would play a game with the passers-by. This game would be so genius that they wouldn’t even realise we were doing it AND it would have no legal percussion’s on us. This game, as we later named, was Student Dodgem. The aim of the game was simple; stroll out in front of a walking student and stop and make them either bump into you… or… walk around you, I guess… it was funny at the time, trust me.

How to play STUDENT DODGEM! 

Step 1: Find your victim. For beginners, I suggest choosing a kid that is smaller than you and unlikely to try and beat you up. Maybe even someone you know, but not necessarily on speaking terms with. Sure, it will most likely ruin any potential relationship between you, but hey, that’s not my problem.

Step 2: Start walking. Now, I’ll be honest; this game involves a lot of advanced mathematics and physics. You’ll need to work it out exactly so that your line of movement just about coincides with your victims, but you also need to be moving fast enough so your victim continues walking and doesn’t move out of the way before you expect them to.

Step 3: When you are in your victim’s path, juuuuust as they are about to walk past, either stop and turn around so that they bump into you or walk backwards into them. Once you are successful, it might be wise to call out to your friend or act oblivious to the fact that you just purposely bumped into a random person. Either look at your phone or start tying your shoe… honestly, I couldn’t care because if you’ve listened to me for this long, you’re a maniac.

Step 4 (Optional Under the Circumstance): RUN! Chances are, you’ll eventually bump into someone that won’t be too happy with your little games, in which case, I suggest you high tail it out of there quicker than a woman in a shoe sale.

VIDEO AND PICTURES COMING SOON.